Her sister held her close in her arms as the echoing of the threats filled their broken home. Another fight, another traumatizing night. The tears flew from her eyes as her older sister covered her ears, trying to save her little sister from the violent screams. The sound of a hand hitting skin slipped into her ears as she cringed. Sirens soon filled the house, the police were here, again. Her older sister released her and they peeked around the wall, trying to see what was happening. The police had their guns out and they took their mother outside to ask questions. The little girl's heart pounded faster with each moment. Her chest tightened and her breath slowed as her older sister tried to pull her eyes from the sight. She was frozen in place, as all she could do is stare and tremble in fear at the reoccurring sight.
Years past, nothing changed. Almost every night would end with screams and sirens. Her parents laid hands on each other, no longer out of love, but out of hatred. Death threats were thrown around, sharp objects were tossed, happiness was shattered. Her mom would leave each weekend, to where, she didn't know at the time. Once she found out, she wished she never did.
One month before her fifth grade year of elementary school ended, she was woken up by her mom, as usual, but this time it was different. Her mother took her hand, stared in her eyes, trying to think of how to say it, but there really is no good way to say it.
She said, "I want you to remember... it's not your fault."
The little girl's heart sank, knowing what was happening, but she said nothing. She only waited for her mother to continue.
Her mother took a deep breath, "Mom and dad aren't happy anymore, I'm sure you've noticed that. So... we're going to get a divorce...and mom is going to go away for a little while."
The little girl snapped completely, even though she had seen it coming since she could talk. She cried so hard that the tears eventually stopped flowing and her breathing stopped. She curled up in her mother's lap and was just paralyzed.
She showed up to school that day, but didn't make it all the way through. She sobbed to her teachers, to her friends, to everyone. She was officially broken, she was beginning her spiral down. The sadness and fear she had lived with for her whole life was too much, her mom leaving was too much, the divorce was too much. So young, only ten years old, yet she had already given up on her life.
A month past, her mom had left long ago with barely any of a goodbye. She ran off to be happy with random guys. When her mother did return, she had only came to introduce her four kids to their soon to be step father. They didn't like him. Everything had to go his way, everything had to be perfect, or else the kids were emotionally abused to the point where they were sobbing.
Soon after, the siblings were split. Their dad got the older two, their mom got the younger two. The little girl being one of the younger two, was shipped off across the state to live with her mother and some stranger who terrified her.
They moved around five times until a spot four hours away from the little girls home was where they decided to settle for the next few years. No one asked how the little girl, who is now fifteen, felt about the moving. No one asked how she felt about the yelling. No one asked how she felt about anything. No one asked if she was okay. No one asked if she needed help. Everyone left her to die inside all alone.
Cuts, tears, and suicide attempts became something she was familiar with. They became something that happened daily. All she wanted was for the pain to stop, all she wanted was to feel better, she just wanted to be happy.
Her grades slipped, her friends drifted, her happy act fell. All that was her, was gone. She was empty inside, she was broken inside, she was nothing. She had breakdowns each night, never feeling good enough. She believed she was ugly, worthless, hated, nothing, everything wrong in the world. She believed her problems weren't bad enough to share, she believed that people would only tell her she was overreacting. She couldn't trust anyone, she couldn't commit to anyone, she was too afraid, so people left her, leaving her to crumble down farther.
All she wanted was to be her again. She didn't want this anymore. She still doesn't, she still wants to give in and give up. She's not strong, but she is working on it.
One day, the blades will disappear. One day, the suffocating thoughts will melt away. One day, she will be happy. She knows it.
She will be okay, no matter what.
All she has to do, is breath, get back up, and believe.
It will get better, there is no maybe about it. Everything will be alright. She is a warrior, and so are you. You and her will make it back to the top, together. You won't have to face this alone. I promise.
Our stories are only just beginning.