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Does your date pass the 'sandbox' test? — Susan Winter

451 ratings | 14136 views
Questioning how to handle a dating situation? How do you know what behavior is correct? The best way is to check in with your ‘sandbox rules’ to see what’s right and wrong—you’ll get the correct answer every time. Let me help you find (and keep) love: http://www.susanwinter.net/consultation/ Join my social media family! Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorsusanwinter Twitter: https://twitter.com/susan_e_winter
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Text Comments (55)
Shelley Viohl (7 days ago)
I think this is one of the best things I have ever heard.
Barbara Brinkmeyer (19 days ago)
I'm not dating but I like your channel because it's clean. At YouTube, there are quite a few channels that are less than they could be, but your channel is so much better. It's so important to behave one's best as often as one can, and sometimes if one falters, one should apologize as soon as possible.
Gabriel Maximus (19 days ago)
Yesssss! The problem I 9/10 have is that I say my sandbox rules, the other person however either never will tell me theirs or swaps and changes them moment to moment based on their emotions presumably. Or their actions go against the rules they verbally expressed. The sandbox rules should be taught in childhood!
Pamie Watkins (23 days ago)
Luv Susie Win's heartfelt gratitude for her fan guys and gals 😊😊😊xox
Carol Loraine (24 days ago)
Great analogy! I so appreciate all your vids! They have been so helpful and enlightening. 😉♥️
Joseph Marton (25 days ago)
lot of girls have previous debt, the bad guy damage leaving the girls with children and poverty, financial debt, broken homes, unruly criminal children much like their father, psychological issues, so many problems and now they are searching for a university grad with high income, a good boy who will accept temper flares and be willing to sacrifice his life and savings for her and her mistakes she made while having fun spreading her legs for the bad guy !! all this in exchange for faked orgasms , menstruation issues, menopause , hormone imbalance, hot/cold flashes and criminal children that never leave home or ever find work ??? so make sure that your sandbox does not have cat shit buried neath the sand prior to inviting someone into your sandbox ....this should be your next theme to discuss.
Pamie Watkins (1 month ago)
Thanks for believing in US I didn't never know I had a power with the stuff that goes on between us thanks again Susan Winters
Pamie Watkins (1 month ago)
How sweet is that I'll have to be dwelling on that one for a while cuz I always thought about kindergarten in the sandbox it we learn everything there plus there was always Michael that was so nice to me as a little child and held my hand all the way to school so you're right it's someone kicks around in your sandbox it's not a good idea
Maria Friberg (1 month ago)
Mandingo Bonanza (1 month ago)
This lady is so sweet but she looks so scary, like a cyborg 😂
seilanemsei (2 months ago)
Thank you for another wonderfully clear and effecttive video.
Michelle Zareas (6 months ago)
Stellar analogy! I do this, but... Men tend to continue to deny accountability and play games. I exit stage left, immediately. The countless assaults and insults to my intelligence never cease to amaze me. Let’s not even get started with BPD and NPD. Are we all this broken? If I do not play the game, I find myself out of the game and solo. I mean, I would rather be solo than immerse myself in these exhausting Hunger games, but am I just the turtle on the side of the road?
Amethyst3313 (8 months ago)
Well said. Thank you I needed to hear this today!
SirDjss (8 months ago)
What about his rules? Should he just "obey" woman rules or should it be equal respekt, what about give and take. You seem to be giving advice to woman that makes them seem haughty and self centered. No wonder some of you won't find a "real man".. Christ you are oblivious for being a relationship expert.
Just a someone (24 days ago)
You seem to be reading it from a perspective that makes what she's saying seem very one-sided to you. My perception of what she's saying is this applies to both parties in a relationship. Mutual respect is where it's all at. We each have a right to state what respectful behaviours we need and what disrespectful behaviours we won't accept in any relationship that's going to impact our lives in a major way. The impact that I allow you to have on me is my sandbox. The impact that you will allow me to have on you is your sandbox. This isn't about gender or about one person ruling over another. Though I kinda do understand how it might've seemed that way from the way she worded it, but I'm pretty sure that's not what she intended it to mean.
Zhang Fan (8 months ago)
Cant agree more. I think by using this way, it is always either to automatically test out the people who wants to " play" with us... The sooner you using the sandbox rules, the quicker you will be amazed to find out who are the one really wants to play with you. Thank you for your comment Susan.
Sylvia li (10 months ago)
Just become one of your big fans! Love your video a lot
Susan Winter (10 months ago)
Thanks Sylvia
laura hoffman (10 months ago)
I like your style lady. You are a powerful force for empowerment! Keep up the great work.
Rachel (11 months ago)
I love you lady. You don’t waste a second of your time :-)
Maria :D (1 year ago)
Susan, you are the best Thank you for all your advices. Maria
chyna Nhua (1 year ago)
I love this test! I will keep it with me from now on. Much love to you💗✨🙏
Martina .Obertova (1 year ago)
Hello Ms.Winter, what if I been single for so long that I am not really able to make compromises - or at least its very hard. All of my lasts relationships (starting relationships) ending on the fact that if they didn't do what I wanted , or followed rules I made in my mind what I want, or expected, I was done. I actually think some of these men could have been a nice, relationship potential men. should I be strict like that until I find someone who really match all the rules, or should at some point do compromises regarding these rules and just let go and move one..and be chill...
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Hi Martina. It sounds from your letter as though you're too strict. We don't want to micromanage our partner. We do want to establish rules of healthy conduct, respect, and kindness. As long as the major values are kept, we can allow leeway for people to be "human".
anthony muhambe (1 year ago)
how can I understand her even if I try hard
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Ask her what she wants and needs.
Aud FosuTV (1 year ago)
Thank you Susan! If it doesn't feel right, trust in you and don't allow it. ax
Westminster Drive (1 year ago)
would you post the "why you cant let go video" . You decribed it as a gambler with a bad hand....it was amazing. Thank you so much. I need to share it with a gf of mine. TKS great talks!
Westminster Drive (1 year ago)
I got it,thanks a bunch Susan! Have an awesome day!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Of course! Thank you, Westminster Drive! https://youtu.be/OpijAT6oZ08
Very well said Susan. I call the rules of my sandbox my personal boundaries. It can be hard to say no not here. However I know that if I allow certain behavior, activities, and actions around me it will put me in an unhealthy place. So I just watch and keep an open mind. I ask questions and communicate with her and express how I feel with honesty and kindness. I know that if I am honest with her and have nothing to hide on my side of the street so to speak she will notice that by my actions and open up and share what she feels with me. I really appreciate your videos. They have been a help to me and I also share them with my friends who are learning more about relationships just like I am. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
SSW, I'm really pleased to read your commentary. Thank you! You're grounded, rational and emotionally intelligent. I wish your relationship much warmth and happiness.!!
Susan, this is a good one!
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
F Roy (1 year ago)
Hi Susan, I've been following your videos for many months now. And listened to many ,many people over the last year and find yours the most helpful. As you know, relationships are probably the most difficult and most important 'activity' in our lives. As we 'expose' ourselves and make ourselves very vulnerable, but, at least in my experience, it is the only way to truly experience life. You obviously have a lot of experience and good advice to give. Had I applied some of the things you talk about I would of had a much happier life. In 'real' life its really really hard to 'follow' some of your suggestions.When you like somebody and have strong feelings for them, being disciplined is not so easy. But I deeply appreciate your time and effort you put into these videos. Thank You.
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Thank you for your lovely letter F Roy. I really appreciate knowing that you've been watching my videos over the last year. That's wonderful! Please know how much I appreciate your kind note, words, and sentiments.
A. Alexander (1 year ago)
Ms. Winter, do you have any rule of thumb for when a person should tell a prospective partner when he/she has a mental disorder ( e.g. Bipolar or depression)?
Susan Winter my girl friend gets mad at me for no reason, it that a sign of a bad relationship p.s I'm in 5th
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
It depends upon the severity of the condition. If, by a second or 3rd date symptoms appear to confuse your date, I'd say something right away. If symptoms are mild and occasional I'd wait a month or so. The word Mental Illness/disorder sound so scary. I'd prefer you say you have medical or hormonal condition (true actually).
flowerdiva18 (1 year ago)
Love the sandbox test! No garbage, no fighting, no drama in my sandbox. How simple :) thank you!
anthony muhambe (1 year ago)
Susan Winter thanks
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
You're welcome, flowerdive18
Iberian Viking (1 year ago)
I love your videos so much Susan. You have been a great help. Look forward to more in the future, you are incredible xxx
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
thank you!!
Denise Dunn (1 year ago)
Thanks Suzan
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
You are welcome Denise.
Honey Beer (1 year ago)
So timely, as ever. Especially when you make the point that you have the "right" to say what you need to. While I feel I am "old" in years, I feel like a child in learning this right. Having to recondition my early childhood of not having the right to express my needs and wants, let alone finding a healthy way to do so. It is changing me and some of my relationships. Your warmth and compassion is so evident and you are doing wonderful work in the world.
Megan6772 (8 months ago)
Right there with you Honey Bear. Big hugs 😊
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
Thank you so much for your lovely words. We are always learning. Much of this kind of information wasn't discussed years ago. We partnered with somebody and didn't give it much thought until something went wrong. There's a lot more information now, With far more detail and nuance. And yes Honey Beer, the sandbox rules will change the dynamics in some of your relationships. All the better. You have the right to want what you want.
V M (1 year ago)
Omg thank you for this video so crazy just last night I told my crush who I have been seeing for almost a year that my needs weren't being met I felt weird about being needy and clingy I wasn't asking for much I have accepted a lot and finally it was eating me up so I said I told him and now his actions are partial feel like he is playing games with me I just need to take his actions and move on so hard but it's my sandbox I don't like the way he has been ignoring me and only wants his needs met I have needs too
Athanasia Art (10 months ago)
When words arent heard then actions speak louder than words .My opinion is that you mustnt talk to him again about the things you dont like , but Show him with your actions that you are not happy .
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
+anthony muhambe hi Anthony. People can be inherently wise. No matter that we think we're confused, we do have internal guidance. My job is to point the way to that knowledge. Thanks for your comment.
anthony muhambe (1 year ago)
Susan Winter thanks a lot please we need help for those of us who needs love
Susan Winter (1 year ago)
I just did a video on when the partner makes us feel wrong, bad, crazy or needly when reacting to their lack of attention or bad behavior. V M, you have every right to ask for what you're giving. Thank you for writing to me.

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